


Murphy's Law

by fnowae



Category: Fall Out Boy
Genre: But like not in the usual way, M/M, Marriage Proposal, You'll understand if you read, just...read this please, ooohhhh boy.
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-13
Updated: 2017-06-12
Packaged: 2018-11-13 12:22:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11185041
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fnowae/pseuds/fnowae
Summary: "Well...like, seven years ago, I think, Pete and I were really drunk and made this pact that I can't believe he's actually making me follow through on. It was that if either of us were still single when we turned thirty, we'd go to a bar and. Um." Joe takes a deep breath. "We'd propose to the first person we saw." Another breath. "And, I am really, really sorry about this."





	Murphy's Law

**Author's Note:**

> What the fuck am I doing?
> 
> This escalates REALLY quickly. Wrote most of it on the bus back from a field trip. Have fun.

On most people's thirtieth birthday, they can expect to have a fun but low key celebration, such as possibly going out with friends for drinks, or something else with friends that is normal for friends to do on someone's thirtieth birthday. 

On Joe's thirtieth birthday, his closest friend shows up at his door, unceremoniously hands him a gift, and says loudly, "The pact."

"Jesus fuck, Pete, not even a 'happy birthday'?" Joe asks, glancing down at the gift, which is horribly wrapped in obnoxious green paper and is about the size of a book. Pete had better not have gotten him a book (though Joe wouldn't put it past him). 

"Happy birthday," Pete amends, then repeats, "Anyways, the pact."

Joe sighs heavily. He'd honestly hoped that Pete would have forgotten about "the pact", which was, in essence, a stupid deal they made on a whim while mildly (see: severely) drunk about seven years ago. It was a stupid concept, but Joe should've remembered that Pete loves stupid concepts more than anything. 

"The _pact_ ," Pete says again, this time with emphasis. 

"Yes. I know," Joe responds, adding another heavy sigh after in an effort to further convey his feelings to Pete. "Can I at least open this first?"

Pete smirks in a way that makes Joe a bit scared, and answers, "Alright, open it then."

Joe tears away the loose green paper to reveal a box. At least it's not a book, he supposes. He lifts off the lid to reveal a movie. It's _Ace Ventura: Pet Detective_ , and the bargain bin sticker still stuck on the packaging lets Joe know that this isn't the real gift; it's a gag gift that Pete had probably grabbed with little to no thought. 

"What's the real gift?" Joe asks, afraid of the answer, but also curious enough that he's willing to risk asking. 

"Under the movie," Pete answers, "which, by the way, is totally a real gift. Great movie, I think. Never seen it. I don't know."

Joe rolls his eyes and lifts the movie up, revealing a smaller box hidden underneath among a conglomeration of torn tissue paper. 

" _Pete_ ," Joe groans out, glaring at Pete. 

"The pact," Pete says again, grinning wider. 

At this point, it may be beneficial to explain the pact. The pact states that if Pete and/or Joe reached thirty and were still single, they would go to the closest bar and propose on the spot to the first person they saw there. It was a horrible, stupid pact, and Joe hadn't had a single desire to actually follow through with it. But Pete had had every desire. 

Pete had already hit thirty, and hadn't been single, so the pact had been cast aside. But it is Joe's thirtieth birthday, and he is incurably single. This is not good. 

The smaller box inevitably contains a ring, which looks like its cost was purposefully high on Pete's part to guilt trip Joe into accepting it and using it. 

"You shouldn't have," Joe says bitterly, glaring intensely at Pete. 

"It was no problem," Pete says with a shrug and his ever-present grin. Joe is going to fucking _kill_ him. 

"No, you really shouldn't have." Joe shakes his head. "The pact was a joke. I'm not doing this."

"You can't break the pact, Joe," Pete insists, crossing his arms. There's no way Joe is getting out of this. 

"The pact was made during a party with too much alcohol," Joe reminds him. "There were _tequila shots_ , Pete. A fuckton of tequila shots. I'm surprised we even remember making the pact to begin with."

"That doesn't negate it," Pete replies, huffing. "Unless you want me to go propose to a stranger for you, get your ass off the couch and do it yourself."

"I fucking hate you," Joe informs him informatively, giving him an equally informative middle finger, but still walking towards the door nonetheless. 

"Relax, man, I doubt anyone you randomly propose to will say yes anyway," Pete says in what seems to be a horribly failed attempt at a comforting tone. "After all, the pact also says-"

"If they say no, there's no further obligations. I know," Joe mutters, shrugging on a coat. "Doesn't make it any less stupid."

"That's the spirit!" Pete says cheerfully, in reference to absolutely none of what Joe has just said. Joe doesn't think he's even listening. 

"Let's get this over with," Joe grumbles, walking out the door without bothering to wait for Pete, who runs right after him anyways. He shoves the ring into his coat pocket. He can't believe he's agreeing to this. He can't believe he agreed to this in the first place, as drunk as he was at the time. 

Joe is sulking the entire four block walk to the nearest bar (this short distance is one of the main reasons he lives where he does, if he's honest). In stark contrast, Pete is practically fucking skipping after him, still grinning like he's won the god damn lottery. The only lottery Pete's won is the lottery of idiocy, Joe thinks. 

Joe stops at the door of the bar. He turns to say something rude to Pete one last time, but it seems he's somehow lost Pete. Whatever. Maybe he can get away with lying about doing this without actually doing it, as long as Pete is gone. 

Taking a deep breath and crossing his fingers that whoever is waiting for him on the other side of that door is smart enough to say no to marrying a stranger, Joe pushes the door open. 

This leads to a series of events that Joe can only describe as a perfect example of Murphy's law. 

The first event is that Joe runs straight into someone who is trying to leave the bar the same time he's trying to enter. Part of him is relieved, because whoever he's hit is significantly less likely to say yes to a proposal from a stranger whose first impression was clumsy injury than any other stranger, but part of him recognizes that if this person is idiotic enough to say yes, this is the first impression he's just made on his future spouse. Another part of him tells the second part of him to shut the fuck up, because he isn't going to actually marry a mystery stranger. 

The second event is that he steps back to apologize and sees exactly who he's run into. 

Something along the lines of "Pete is fucking dead" slips out of his mouth, and the victim of his clumsiness looks even more confused. 

" _Joe_?"

"Um. Hi, Patrick," Joe forces out, wondering if he can just turn and run and get out of this right now. "Long time...no see?"

"Ten years is a pretty long time, yeah." Patrick responds. He doesn't sound upset, but he doesn't sound happy either. 

Joe winces. "Uh...you're...looking good?"

Patrick sighs loudly, and says, "You know, I'm not mad at you. We just kind of lost touch, and that's not either of our fault, and-"

"Yeah! Okay!" Joe interrupts, unable to stop his voice from rising nervously in pitch. No. He is _not_ about to propose to his fucking _high school crush_. He wants Pete to show up, simply so he can murder him on the spot. 

Patrick frowns, cocking his head to the side in confusion and asking, "What are you doing here? Are you okay?"

"Uh." The ring suddenly feels like a thousand pound weight in Joe's pocket. He's not doing this. He can't do this. "I was just-"

Third event: this is when Pete decides to show up, loudly proclaiming, "Sorry, had to pet a dog! His name was Ozzie and he was a papillon and he had the cutest little sweater and-" 

Pete spots Patrick and stops talking, giving Joe a questioning look. 

"Hi Pete," Joe says through clenched teeth. "So glad you finally decided to show up to your own convoluted scheme."

Pete gives Joe another look, and Joe reluctantly adds, "Pete, this is Patrick."

Pete's eyes widen in realization. He's never met Patrick before, which is why he didn't recognize him on sight, but Joe has said plenty about Patrick to Pete. About how he was his high school best friend who he lost touch with in college, when he's sober. About how he was his high school crush who he was despairingly in love with, when he's...not as sober. 

"Oh, _that_ Patrick." Pete looks just surprised at first, but then he suddenly breaks into laughter. "Oh my god! What the fuck is your luck, Trohman? This is hilarious!"

"No it isn't!" Joe thinks maybe he'll kill Pete twice for good measure. Maybe three times. That would do it. 

"The hell is going on here?" Patrick interrupts, wildly confused. "Am I missing something?"

"Why don't you tell him about the pact, Joe?" Pete asks, smirking. 

Joe flips him off and slowly turns back to Patrick. "Uh. Yeah, see, that's the thing. The pact. Uh."

"The what?" Patrick raises an eyebrow. He looks really confused and concerned. Joe doesn't blame him. 

"Tell him or I will!" Pete adds, unencouragingly. 

Joe grits his teeth and braces himself for whatever Patrick's reaction to this is gonna be. "Well...like, seven years ago, I think, Pete and I were really drunk and made this pact that I can't believe he's actually making me follow through on. It was that if either of us were still single when we turned thirty, we'd go to a bar and. Um." Joe takes a deep breath. "We'd propose to the first person we saw." Another breath. "And, I am really, really sorry about this."

With that, he summons all the courage he's ever had, which still isn't really enough, gets down on one knee, pulls the ring out of his pocket, and as loudly as he'll let himself (which is not very loudly), he asks, "Will you marry me?"

Patrick's face goes through a lot of expressions in a very small amount of time. For a moment, he looks even more confused. Then surprised. Then possibly a little bit scared. Then... _happy_?

The fourth event and the final nail in the coffin of Joe's dignity is that Patrick's response, for some fucking reason, is, "Yes!"

Joe blanches, then goes red, somehow both within a couple seconds. He stammers out, "Y - you - I - what?"

He gets shakily to his feet. The ring box is still clutched tightly in his hand. Against his will, he finds himself taking the ring out and putting it on Patrick's finger, which is when his mind suddenly decides to catch up and he realizes _Patrick just said yes_. 

"What?" Joe repeats pitifully. 

" _Yes_ ," Patrick repeats, as if Joe really hadn't heard that part. 

"Oh," Joe chokes out. His mind is racing. This isn't happening. He just proposed to his high school crush out of nowhere after not seeing him for ten years, and he said yes, and oh god _does that mean they're getting married now_?

And then it gets worse, because right there and then, _Patrick kisses him_. 

It's not that Joe isn't into Patrick - even after ten years, he still is. He's _very_ into Patrick, actually. By all means he should be happy about this. Really, what it is is that too much is going on and _this should not be happening._

Despite this, Joe makes no effort to pull away from the kiss. In fact, he does the exact opposite. He doesn't know why, but he does. 

What does make him pull away, though, is that Pete decides to start fucking cheering, and Joe kind of needs to pull away to flip him off (again). 

"Well," Patrick says, which causes Joe to whip his head back to him. 

"Did that actually just happen?" Joe asks weakly, because he's genuinely sure he must be dreaming. 

"I think," Patrick answers quietly. It looks like the past couple minutes are finally catching up with him, too, as he goes back to looking confused. 

"Nice!" Pete declares enthusiastically from behind them. Joe makes sure to flip him off again over his shoulder, not even bothering to turn around anymore. 

"Uh," he says to Patrick, unsure if any other word could fit the situation. "What...what are we gonna do? What's happening?"

"I mean...logically speaking, I guess we're getting married?" Patrick answers slowly, picking up on Joe's discomfort. "Are you okay?"

Patrick looks like he's about to take it back, to change his answer to no, which - yeah, as much as Joe is completely lost in this situation, he actually really thinks he doesn't want that to happen. So maybe he should...go with it? It's a wild concept, but maybe it's a good idea. Probably not. But maybe. 

"I'm fine," he lies, but just barely. "I'm perfectly fine! This is great! I - I just need a moment, I'm sorry? This is not what I expected to happen...like. At all."

"Oh. Yeah. I didn't expect this either. Obviously." Patrick seems to be mirroring Joe's discomfort, which makes Joe feel bad. And oh god - what did he just get himself into?

"Can I...maybe go home, get some sleep, um..." Joe is starting to sweat nervously. "I'll just...you can give me your number and I'll text you later, we can, like, meet up again tomorrow? We probably need to get caught up if we're...y'know..." He can't bring himself to actually say the words "getting married". It's too much. 

"You still have my number." Patrick's face is completely blank. Joe wishes he could have the unexplained joy back. He liked that way better. 

"Oh. Right," Joe replies. This is moving too fast. It's gone from awkward to happy and right back to awkward and Joe can't keep up. He wants the happy back. It was weird, but he wants it. 

"Look, this obviously wasn't serious, I get it," Patrick mumbles. He sounds dejected. It breaks Joe's heart. "So you can totally just tell me that and this can be done, because-"

"No!" Joe cuts him off, against what the logical side of his mind is telling him. By all means, this was a mistake, right? He can't possibly consider going through with this. But at the same time, for some unknown reason, he won't let himself back out. 

"Oh," Patrick says quietly. "You...are you sure about that? Because it's totally okay if-"

Joe responds to this by kissing him. It's not much of a response, sure, but it works. 

Patrick pulls back just a little and mutters, "Oh. Okay then", and then pulls Joe back in. Joe is, for a moment, completely okay with this. Joe finds himself pulling Patrick closer, his hand on the side of Patrick's face. 

He steps back, but this time not out of confusion, or anger at Pete. His hand is still clasping the side of Patrick's face, and he can't make it move away. There is a smile on his lips that he can't stop, and Patrick is mirroring it. He quietly whispers, "I really do have to go, okay? I'm sorry."

"That's alright," Patrick answers just as quietly, and this time Joe can tell he means it. 

"I'll text you later, I guess," Joe continues softly. His hand still hasn't moved. What the hell is he doing?

"Yeah. That's cool," Patrick whispers, then adds, "Hey, why are we whispering?"

"I don't know," Joe whispers back, which makes Patrick's face scrunch into the most adorable smile Joe has ever seen. Like, ever. This one needs to go in the history books. 

"Go home," Patrick says at a normal volume, and kisses Joe one more time. Joe decides that yeah, he's actually totally okay with that. 

"Yeah. Okay," Joe steps back, still smiling for some unknown reason. "Bye."

Patrick nods, his smile its own goodbye, and Joe turns and walks out, forgetting Pete is there at all. 

Pete catches up to him though, and says loudly, "Damn."

"Yeah," Joe agrees. 

It takes two full blocks of walking before everything that just happened catches up to Joe, for real this time. He freezes in place. 

Pete stops too, confused. "What are we doing? Why are we stopping?"

"Pete," Joe says, gaping at the sidewalk. 

"Yeah?"

"I just got engaged to my friend from high school after not seeing him for ten years."

"Mhm."

"We're getting _married_ , Pete."

"Yep."

Joe blinks a couple times, like that's going to make everything make sense. 

"You okay?" Pete gives him a look. 

"I need sleep," Joe declares, suddenly freaking out again. "I need sleep and then I need to reevaluate my life choices! Oh my god!"

Suddenly, he finds himself running the last two blocks home, dashing madly away from his poor decisions. 

Pete runs after him, yelling, "Yeah, but you're totally still in love with him!", which does nothing to make Joe feel better, mostly because it's true. 

Joe closes the distance between him and his house, runs in, and locks the door. 

Pete, who is used to this by now (this is, weirdly enough, not the first time Joe has run home and locked him out), simply gets in his car and drives away. Joe watches as Pete's car disappears into the distance. 

He stands still in the middle of his living room, running what had just happened through his head over and over again, hoping it will suddenly make sense. 

It does not. 

"I'm engaged," he says to no one but the _Ace Ventura_ DVD still sitting on his couch. 

The DVD, of course, says nothing. 

"I'm engaged to my high school crush," he continues. "Which should not have happened, since he should not have said yes to that when we hadn't talked for ten years."

Again, the DVD obviously does not respond. 

Joe stares at the wall, trying to focus on anything other than his current situation. It doesn't work. 

"Wow," he says, shaking his head. "I am fucked."

**Author's Note:**

> yeah, I'm sorry 
> 
> send me ideas/headcanons/cat pictures/whatever you want at my Tumblr: vicesandvelociraptors 
> 
> As always, your comments are appreciated! Feedback keeps me going!
> 
> Thanks for reading!


End file.
